remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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