You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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