If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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