tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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