i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
