Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
