dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
