question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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