WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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