As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
