these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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