i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize