we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
