So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
