Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
