i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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