that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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