Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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