He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
