And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
