So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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