WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
