You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
