Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
