there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
