I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
