i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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