if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
