Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
