Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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