they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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