My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
