Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This is my gift to your gina
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
