My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
