I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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