i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
