I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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