The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
