I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
