I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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