Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
soo... how was my night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
