but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
