Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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