if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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