You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
