We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
