I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
