I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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