Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
