i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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