"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
