Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
