I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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