i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
