I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
