very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
