I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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