Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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