whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
